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03:16pm 16/10/2005
  a survey is such a lame way to return to livejournal. i don't know why i got the urge to do one. i still read everyone's on a regular basis though, no need to feel neglected.

Yes Or No. . .

x. you keep a diary: nope
x. you like to cook: occasionally. sometimes i get the urge to bake
x. you have a secret you have not shared with anyone: i'm not sure
x. you fold your underwear: no
x. you talk in your sleep: i don't think so
x. you set your watch a few minutes ahead: no, it's accurate
x. you believe in love: i do

Last . . .

x. movie you rented: the importance to being ernest. i have to watch it for english because i missed the day we watched it in class and we have to do a project on the book before we actually read it so yeah.
x. movie you bought: i rarely buy movies
x. song you listened to: my slumbering heart by rilo kiley
x. song that was stuck in your head: the new franz ferdinand song
x. song you've downloaded: the new death cab song
x. CD you bought: no clue
x. CD you listened to: mars volta
x. person you've called: benn
x. person that's called you: benn
x. TV show you've watched: not sure
x. person you were thinking of: nathaniel

Do . . .

x. you wish you could live somewhere else: sometimes
x. you think about suicide: not often
x. others find you attractive: i'm not sure.
x. you want more piercings: i want to take out my nose ring and pierce my ear again
x. you want more tattoos: i want my first tattoo
x. you drink: occasionally
x. you do drugs: yes
x. you smoke: only on the weekends
x. you like cleaning: yes
x. you like roller coasters: not at all
x. you write in cursive or print: somewhere in between
x. you carry a donor card: no
x. you have a crush on somebody: always

Have You. . .

x. ever cried over a boy/girl: oh yes.
x. ever lied to someone: yep
x. ever been in a fist fight: no
x. ever been arrested: no

What . . .

x. shampoo do you use: pantene
x. perfume/cologne do you use: om from gap.
x. shoes do you wear: flip flops, ballet style flats, and sneakers
x. are you scared of: lots of things

Number . . .

x. of times you have been in love: one and a half
x. of times you have had your heart broken: i guess once. although, it's not easy to tell.
x. of hearts you have broken: i can't imagine
x. of guys/girls you have kissed: casually, a bunch. romantically, not many.
x. of people you've slept with: 2
x. of people you consider you're enemies: no one. i do actively hate about 2 people
x. of CDs' that you own: no idea
x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: only for the honor role...

With The Opposite Sex . . .

x. what do you notice first: hands, hair, style
x. last person you slow danced with: umm it was probably in 8th grade

Who . . .

x. makes you laugh the most: "i love you rachel because you're the only one who laughs at my jokes" -everyone
x. makes you smile: i'm only friends with people who make me smile
x. is the easiest to talk to: benn and lilit
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i caught you a delicious bass   
05:20pm 31/08/2004
mood: numb
i haven't been on in a while. the guy who restored the house messed up the polarity in my bedroom so i can't plug a computer into it. i am having shakes from kazaa withdrawl.

i'm painting my room tomorrow to distract me from the fact that i actually have to go to school on thursday. i'm scared out of my mind. i'm hoping there wil be some way i can aviod going to lunch. anyone who's moved have any advice?

i think i am going to go back to vermont this weekend and do it up rutland style at the fair with anna. hopefully i'll get to see some people i never got to say goodbye to. i'm excited. maybe i'll stop in and say hi to mr. whitman. i've heard from a bunch of people that he's sad i moved. creepy, but very sweet.

i saw napoleon dynomite with benn last weekend. halarious.

i've been doing summer assignments like a madman the past few days and i finally finished. i feel numb.
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i suck dic tracy   
10:17pm 17/08/2004
mood: sad
today i went and saw dic.tracy and rolling papyrus in the park with benn. they're jam bands made up of some of my favorite people. it was fun but at the same time really bittersweet and i wonder how the party is going to be when i have to say goodbye forever to the people who have been there for me through everything. i don't know, i'll do my best to keep in touch. even if i do make friends down there, no one will make me laugh till i cry like ian and sing spirituals to cheer me up like seth. 4 days and i'm hardcore sad.
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03:38pm 12/08/2004
mood: contemplative
there is so much meaningless in the world, in our everyday world. there's so much pointless banter and so much waiting around for the next conversation that i really wonder about all the times i'm just standing at work or sitting in school watching the minutes pass and wondering if those minutes are going to amount to anything at all and if i wasn't being held captive to those minutes if i would really be doing anything more worthwhile. which i'm guessing i wouldn't, i'd be sleeping or eating or watching tv and just creating nothing and accomplishing nothing except killing time and it all makes me wonder if when i die and my life flashes before my eyes if it will be all the important moments that make my life like love and triumphs or if it will be passing from one class to another, from a church pew to a seat at thanksgiving where the world around me is a blur and the clock is ominent and all that time spent waiting for something to end and at that moment my life is ending and has been nothing more than time passed.
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fatty loves cake   
10:09pm 29/06/2004
mood: aggravated
so next week i get to work with jamie for the first time. ok here are the things i know about jamie.

1. she hates me
a. 2 years ago she im'd me and one of my friends and told us how ugly and skinny (in my case) or fat (in my friend's) we are.
b. i was under the impression that this was sent by my neighbor, michelle, which was followed by a not so subtle hatred of the girl. i later talked to her about it and cleared things up. as far as i know she's over it and she's not even friends with jamie anymore
4. i did not know who jamie was when she sent me this message and when i was told i had to look her up in a year book because i still didn't know. after looking her up, i still didn't know who she was, i couldn't remember ever seeing her in my entire life.

so maybe she hates me for calling her friend a bitch 2 years ago. this is exactly the kind of stupid shit that she and jess littler are constantly creating around me. WHAT THE FUCK I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID PETTY DRAMA seriously i am not the kind of person who enjoys this shit. i've confronted jess about it and she's continued but i've left it alone. i guess i'm going to ask jamie what i ever did to her and then forget about it. i don't even know these girls why do they feel the need to be involved and why does it BOTHER ME

***end rant***

my apologies, i know no one wanted to read that.
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02:57pm 22/06/2004
mood: my stomach hurts
1 jar of dread wax
2 combs
2 people
+ 3 hours of backcombing
1 bottle of conditioner
5 showers
+ 4 hours of undoing knots
the short life and death of my dreadlocks.
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tonight i can write   
11:07pm 20/06/2004
mood: nostalgic
puedo escribir los versos mas tristes esta noche

there is nothing like driving rt 7 in the summer with the windows down while benn reads me pablo neruda from the passenger seat.

i hope it never ends.

edit: my journal is very mildly better, as i now have a background.
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fcuk this   
11:56pm 19/06/2004
mood: it's been one of those days
so it's summer and i've been worried that it is going to be like last summer which was horrible and i was very depressed and in a very bad relationship and all i did was sit around and think about how useless i am which is different but not any better than the stress i get from school all year.

i hope benn doesn't leave me.

anyways i want this
shirt because it will never, ever get old.

i need a break from myself.
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09:11pm 06/06/2004
mood: bored with myself
i want to dread my hair. i have thought about it for years and i am now seriously considering it. i don't want to look dirty or trendy however, so i want to know what everyone thinks.

also, i am moving in the summer and starting at a new school with dreads may not be the best way to make friends. well, not the ballerina friends i have now, which could be a good thing.

oh and another thing, my hair is quite short at the moment so they'd probably end up sticking up and out all over the place.

i need some opinions.

(to anyone who knows him, i'd have liam help me and benn with them so atleast they'd get started right)
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11:23am 28/05/2004
mood: defeated
i have spent over 13,000 minutes spent in lab 2 this year, 13,000 minutes that i counted down one at a time to make sure time wasn't standing still. and after all of that, i hate chemistry. the weird thing is i only had a moderate dislike for it until the last term. i worked hard in that class and i got had an a plus almost all year. then i took the final. i was so stressed out over it that i was practically physically ill. so i had gotten myself so worked up over it that when i went to take it i blew it. people who got Bs all year did better than i did. the thing is, i don't think i could have done any better. and because mr lopes can never resist the opertunity to kick someone when they're down said:

"i really thought you would do better than this."
"yeah. me too."
"if you still plan on taking the sat 2s i think you should study more."
"if you plan on living past the age of 40 maybe you should lose some weight, fatty."

the last part only happened in my head.

what it all comes down to is that i am bad at everything.

p.s. my entries are now public because the person i was keeping them from is no longer in my life.
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pictures from boston thanks to bennington   
09:11pm 18/05/2004
mood: procrastinative...
we went to boston we had fun.
we stayed with my father who lives outside boston. we got lost both going from his house to the city and coming back. it took us four total hours to make a 30 mile trip. other than that, it was wonderful.

p.s. today in chem, calcium hydroxide splashed on to me. that's CALCIUM of group two a chemistry students, you know what that means. and the rumors are true, it does burn. i was too ashamed to go back to chem to ask for help so i neutralized it with some salad dressing.
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07:51am 05/05/2004
mood: rushed
the pictures make this entry somewhat interesting. the captions don't.

edit: these pictures are huge and lifelike because i forgot to resize them and now i don't feel like it. only read if you want to be able to see every pore.

photo entry!Collapse )
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08:36pm 26/07/2003
mood: pissed off

why can't we be friends?
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